Illusions

 Here again. I’m on a roll it seems.

I am on a quest. A search for what I am missing. I know that people of my intelligence are doomed to be depressed. We experience the world from a different perspective. We can read between the lines of everyday events. We do not possess the bliss that most of you do.

Ignorance is bliss.

Knowledge is sorrow.

I am not depressed. I realise that. I just feel sad. A deep sadness that I cannot explain. I am sad about the world around me. I am sad about the people around me. I am sad because I am trapped. Yet I live in a society that has shackles on me.

This is my quest.  Break free of those shackles. I know and accept that this means a life of solitude. Few would dare follow me on such a path. Even fewer would stay beside me when the path turns rough. When they would have to give up worldly delights in order to conquer the path less travelled.

How could they? I cannot expect any simple person to be able to comprehend the complexity of my thoughts. The multidimensions that my mind works in. Constantly seeking a way to make my dream come true. Yet I do not know what this dream is.

Therefore, I have to keep existing in this sad world until I can develop myself enough to be able to recognise that dream. That ultimate goal.

All good things come to those who wait. But I have waited enough. I seem to excel in waiting. In patience. In endurance. In managing my pain. My soul has emerged from everything and still perseveres. With more resolve than ever. Yet my heart seeks something else at the same time.

I am conflict.

There is a war raging inside me. My mind. My heart. My soul. The three fundamental parts of my being, seek three different things. My every day is a struggle to balance them out. A balance of patience, strength, resources and time.

Time.

Never ask someone to make time for you. 

If they are worthy of your time, they will offer you theirs.

This is a profound realisation. A deep truth that everyone should live by. How better our world would be. Time is the one commodity that we cannot replenish. And it is such a valuable one. We pay for each moment of our lives in time. And time we never get back. Maybe in another lifetime. In another universe. In another dimension. But here, now is gone. We are constantly living in the past. Looking to the future. There is no present. As we realise the moment we live, it is already gone. It is the past. The next moment is the future. We are in limbo between past and future. Never here. Never present.

How can we hope to find one another when there is no present? How can we live the moment when it does not even exist? We know that it will exist in the future. We know that it existed in the past. But it slips from our grasp in the present. This construct of mankind. Those who are ignorant of this fact, are blissful. For they never try to reach what they cannot. The few of us that understand this however, are forever trapped.

I have decided to turn away from others. I will stop seeking any connection. There is no point after all. Why doom someone else to share my sorrowful destiny? Instead I will turn inwards. I will seek the truth within me. Try to decode the dragon inside. The dragon will hold the secret.

My liberation.

The dragon will shatter the shackles.

The dragon will dissolve the illusions.

I am the dragon.

The song of the day